Thirty-three years ago, I experienced tremendous loss when my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I didn’t know how to lose a baby. I had never walked that way before and neither had any of my close friends. I felt sad, but didn’t know if that was okay. How long could I be sad?
My closest friend gave me a card and I still have it in my box of cherished notes. This is what it said:
In your heart, you probably realize that in time the sadness you are feeling will fade. For now, just know that it’s all right to hurt…I hurt with you. It’s all right to cry…I share your tears. It is only through crying that you learn what it’s really like to laugh…only after feeling sadness can you really experience joy. So allow yourself to feel what comes naturally…but know that someday life will be better…it will be easier to smile.Renee Duvall
Today I feel like I am walking uncharted territory. I have never lived during a pandemic. I don’t know how I am supposed to feel. I don’t know what is okay. How long should I stay home? What does it look like when I go out?
I think it’s much like my experience so long ago. It’s okay to feel sad, hurt, angry, confused. Go ahead and be who you are. As our communities open up, it’s hard to know how to respond. Two things came to me today as I mowed lawn. That’s when all good thinking happens! 🙂 First, be kind. My way of thinking, responding, doing is just that – my way. It likely won’t be how someone else responds. Be secure in your response, but be kind to others.
Secondly, allow others to respond in their way. None of us have walked this way before so we are all just doing the best we can. Love others just as you want to be loved.
My friend hadn’t lost a baby, but she knew how to empathize. She allowed me to be sad for as long as it took. She called me every day during her 10:00 break to let me know she cared. Our lives were very similar, but in this difference, she allowed me to be me. And she loved me well!
Love others well, especially now!
I remember a time when I was mourning the move of my best friend and you gave me permission to be sad and mad and cry. I appreciated that.
Sometimes we just need someone to hold space for others to experience the feelings that life brings along. I appreciate you Berta!!