Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can transform your life.

Read: Colossians 3:14-15

In October, Dave and I spent two weeks traveling in Thailand and Indonesia. It was a business related trip so, while Dave wasn’t working, there was a lot of business to think about. About the second day I noticed Dave seemed distant. I wondered if I had done something but as I thought about it more I knew that it wasn’t me.

Rather than making an assumption about what was creating the distance, I asked. I shared that he seemed far away and wondered if he was thinking about a particular situation that had developed while we were gone. At first he didn’t know, but later he came back and said that he didn’t realize how much he had been thinking about it.

Most of the time, my go to response is to make assumptions when I encounter a situation that feels “off.” And most of the time, I am wrong. And then my thoughts and actions follow the line of my assumption. This does not prove to be loving or peaceful in my relationships.

In our age of technology this is especially important to learn. Recently my daughter texted me to ask if I could come over and help with my granddaughter. I replied “OK.” She responded, “You don’t have to….” and then “I never know what just “ok” in a text means.”

I was glad she asked. You see, I was at dinner with friends and didn’t want to get into involved texting, but wanted her to know that I was available to help. Since she asked, I could elaborate and set her mind at ease. Otherwise, she may have assumed I was grudgingly agree to help.

Developing the courage to ask questions rather than make assumptions is a difficult but necessary step to developing good relationships and healthy boundaries. When I find the courage to ask good questions, I also open the door for the other person to share what is on their heart.

How about you? When something or someone seems “off,” do you make assumptions about what is happening beneath the surface? Is developing the courage to ask questions seem out of reach? This is an agreement you will never regret making! It can be the game changer and you will find yourself living in a place of peace more often than you thought possible.