I haven’t always grieved well. I don’t like sadness, loss, despair. Of course, it’s expected to grieve when someone dies, but what about when dreams die, goals go unmet, stages of life change, jobs disappear, hope wavers. Can I sit with the sadness then and truly grieve the loss? I am learning; learning to sit with loss and sadness, allowing it to do the work of transforming me into a better person. Sometimes it helps to have an example of someone who grieves well. David, in his psalms, does it well.
1My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? 2Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night I lift my voice, but I find no relief.
6But I am a worm and not a man. I am scorned and despised by all! 7Everyone who sees me mocks me. They sneer and shake their heads, saying, 8“Is this the one who relies on the Lord? Then let the Lord save him! If the Lord loves him so much, let the Lord rescue him!”Psalm 22:1-2; 6-8
It seems the first step in healthy grief is acknowledging the feelings — feelings of abandonment, betrayal, rejection, loss, disappointment — whatever it might be. Allow it to be spoken, turn it over and examine it, look at it from all sides, feel it and acknowledge its presence.
Knowing that I am not going to camp (live) in this place of despair, I allow the feelings to be present, to sit with them. This looks different for every person, and no right way exists. If you are experiencing loss in any way, let it do the work of transformation. I read it like this today: ““We face many deaths within our lives. The choice is whether these deaths will be terminal (crushing our spirit and life) or open us up to new possibilities and depths of transformation in Christ.” – Peter Scazzero in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.
I choose new life. What about you? Can you sit with the despair, the loss? Perhaps sitting with it while someone helps you process would be helpful. Seek out that person today. Or click on the Contact link above. I’d be happy to sit with you in your sadness so that it might do the work of transformation.