¹²How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. ¹³Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. ¹⁴May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Psalm 19:12-14

A healing journey is foolishness to some, an enigma to others and the road to freedom for others. Simply explained, it is uncovering the hidden things in my heart: the lies I believe, the behaviors I adopt to protect me, the wounds inflicted and the path of healing.

In order to begin this journey of healing, one must be painfully honest with self. There was a point in my own journey I realized my responses to the inquiries of others was always negative. I sounded like a bad country song. The one where the dog dies, the pickup breaks down, the girlfriend runs away and the whole town is against him.

It wasn’t that I wanted to always be down and out, I just didn’t know what else to say. It was if I was obligated to be struggling with something, so that is what I reported to those who asked. I adopted a victim mentality.

I know people like that. No matter where they are or what they experience, it could be better. What needs to change?

If I start with the obvious, my words needed to change. Although it felt artificial to make something up, I knew I was driving people away with my constant Debbie Downer attitude. How do I change the words?

Scripture makes it obvious that my words are an overflow of what is in my heart. Jesus said it like this:

¹⁶“Don’t you understand yet?” Jesus asked. ¹⁷“Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. ¹⁸But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. ¹⁹For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. ²⁰These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.”

Matthew 15:16-20

The place to focus my efforts wasn’t on my words. It was on my heart. What was happening in there that made my words so depressing? It was my thoughts and my thoughts were directly related to what I believed about myself, God and others. That is where I needed to start.

Perhaps you, too, find yourself spewing negativity even when you don’t want to. Don’t worry about changing your words. Focus first on what is happening in your heart. What recordings play through your mind on repeat? Who is speaking to you? What are you believing about yourself, God or others? Is it true? What lies do you need to replace with truth?

This journey of healing takes a long time and it isn’t one to undertake alone. If you feel ready to explore it, find someone who will go with you. You will never regret it!